It’s 1.32am. I can’t sleep and I have a million thoughts running through my head.
Recently I’ve been really unhappy about my Instagram feed. Like really stressed to the point I actually had a meltdown over it.
Pathetic I know.
And it sounds odd to care so much and we all say that it isn’t about numbers. But when it’s your job and your rent money at steak, things start to get a bit more serious.
And the reason why I have been so unhappy isn’t actually to do with numbers or the new shitty algorithm (I’ve actually seen some growth recently which is astonishing by any means). But it’s actually because I personally haven’t been happy with how it looks.
I’ve been unhappy with my photography. I’ve been unhappy with my editing. And I’ve been unhappy with my feeds aesthetic.
I think my issue started (lol sorry for the therapy session) when I began to utilise the explore page. I began following new accounts and finding more and more amazing people. But the issue with the explore page is that it only really shows you feeds with over 500k followers. And usually they are the kind of feeds that look kinda pretty.
So I started looking at the girls and their feeds and they travels and I envied them. Oh god I envied them so badly.
I envied the places they went.
I envied the photography.
And most of all, I envied their Instagram feeds.
I know, I know, I know. I sound like some crazy insta-obsessed girl who can’t just take a few pics and enjoy it.
But I became kinda… obsessed.
I wanted my Instagram to look like that. I wanted it to be bigger and better and… well something it was not.
But I failed at that. I failed at making it into some ‘goals’ feed that I had been filling my head with. And you know why?? It’s because I was trying to do something that wasn’t me.
And I am by NO MEANS saying that I am not a traveller or that I am a bad photographer.
But what I am saying is that I just don’t lead the same kind of lives as those girls. I’m not in a different country each week, heck I’m lucky if I am in a different country each month.
I don’t have thousands of pounds worth of equipment and MY GOD my legs are not that skinny.
But even after that revolution I still was not happy. All that I knew how was that my feed doesn’t look like that and it never will look like that. Great.
Then I found lilylikecom’s feed and MY GOD.
I fell completely in love with her feed and her aesthetic and all the photography.
And that’s when it hit me. Those are the kinds of photos that I love…. and that I could take.
They focus on cosines and the importance of the home and homely vibes AND IF THATS NOT WHAT I LIVE FOR THEN SMACK MY ASS AND CALL ME JUDY.
The reason why my photos just didn’t look right and my feed just didn’t look right was all because I just wasn’t in my happy place. I wasn’t comfortable in the location or with the aesthetic. And while I’m not saying that I will never take an outfit snap in the street, what I am saying is that I’m going to keep as much of my photography to my bedroom as possible.
I’m going to focus more on my cosy outfits and details WITHIN these 4 walls.
I’m going to show you interiors and makeup and shoes and hair… but I’m going to show it how I feel comfortable.
And if that means I have to pose while balancing on my bed, trying not to get my white sheets grubby from my shoes but also trying to get a snap of the beauties THEN THERE WE HAVE IT. THATS WHAT I WANT TO DO.
And I am very aware that this blogposts is a bit (a lot) of a shambles and you probably think ‘Ellie I really don’t care about your midnight meltdowns’ but here me out.
The moral of the story is
1- if you are unhappy about something then DO SOMETHING ABOUT. Even if it’s something as small as an Instagram theme. You have the capacity to change things.
2- Don’t try and be something you’re not. Do not copy. Do not pretend. In the end if it’s not you, then it’s not you. So find your happy place and get yourself cosy.
3- YOU DO YOU BOO
From now on I am doing ME over on Instagram and the blog and whatever other social contraption comes my way. I am going to make myself feel comfortable and I’m hoping that my feed will reflect that.
Sorry went for a late night brownie snack.
I hope that you can see where I am going with this post and that my late night meltdowns have actually done some good. If you’re in a similar situation to me, drop me a DM or message me. I would love to be able to talk and help you with anything I can.
But for now keep an eye on the feed and I hope you can see the difference in it that I can. X