Who Am I Putting Myself Out There For?

I am online. I blog. I tweet. I Instagram. I upload stories of my lunch. I tweet about experiences. I blog about thoughts and feelings and share deep, personal things in my life.

But I was having a conversation with the gorgeous Phoebe the other day about how weird it is when ‘offline’ people speak about my blog. Don’t ask me why because I know it makes no sense. But when friends I’ve known from school text me about blogpost I’ve written, I squirm. When cousins ask me about that foundation I recommended, I give a brief answer and then change subject.

It’s funny being able to see who watches your stories, because blimey do I have some odd ones. Old school friends, ‘best friends’ who ghosted me 4 years ago, primary school friends, random aunties and cousins.

And yet I am the one putting this out there. I am the one choosing to share what I share. So why does it feel like an invasion of privacy?

Who am I putting myself out there for?

I guess the short answer here is my internet family. The guys and girls who I can speak to openly about the weirdest topics and not feel judged. The family who I can mention the word anxiety and they immediately respond with words of wisdom, pieces of advice and make me feel more human.

I guess what I am saying is that I kinda like having my internet life separate to my personal. I like chatting to you guys and feeling like I know you, without even having to leave my bedroom.

I like being able to share myself online and feel like what I am going through is normal, mundane even.

And I like not having to explain myself to anyone. I like being able to share (maybe overshare) without a second thought.

I think I need to accept that ‘real life’ people will infiltrate this life. It’s just an occupational hazard. Which is fine, as long as they know it’s not for them, it’s for a whole separate family in itself!